AI Companions: The "Processed Food" Moment of Human Connection

preface:

I admire those who imagine, create, and build new futures for us. I admire people who have the courage to have ideas and act on them. I believe exploration is good, experimentation is necessary, but that just because we can do things, doesn’t mean that we should.

This is one point of view of many.

——

I am concerned about the physiological disruption of our impulse to connect with other humans - and specifically caused by AI companions.

The drive to connect with other humans is a part of our biological program to keep us in balance. Our bodies send us signals in the form of neurochemicals and hormones to pursue human connection. These signals stimulate us to seek out other humans, and to develop emotional intelligence. When we connect with others, our biology responds in the form of Serotonin production and other byproducts that benefit us. We get nourishment out of relationships and shared experiences that literally keep us healthy and functional.

This biological drive is what motivates us to continue pursuing social connection despite the messy dynamics of human relationships. Unlike other situations in which failure leads to avoidance, human relationships continue to attract us despite having to fail numerous times to find the people we truly connect with. The strength and persistence of this drive to connect is evidence of a deeply foundational need. Humans rely on other humans to survive and thrive.

Our need for human connection is also a forcing function for building character. The diversity of personalities, cultures, values, biology, etc. makes human relationships challenging, and the process of learning to develop them is filled with friction. This friction is something we learn to overcome through repeated exposure. We learn to develop internal resilience, a sense of self, and a sensitivity to others. We learn compromise and tolerance, and to welcome new points of view.

We become better humans for it, and the benefits extend beyond the biological and psychological: we multiply the opportunities we get exposed to, the knowledge we absorb, the experiences we engage in, etc.

Recently, technology has made it possible to avoid the friction of developing human relationships to fulfill our desire for connection. We feel connected, without actually being connected. We are able to mimic the same gratifying response, without gratifying the actual physiological need. This was already an important trend with the rise of social media, and now with the introduction of AI companions, I foresee a new inflection point.

This is the "processed food" moment of relationships.

Processed food is designed to satisfy us by triggering the same neurochemical pathways that our bodies get from nourishment, but without providing us with the actual nutrients that our bodies need.

We process food to make food more efficient and scalable. As consumers, processed food is cheaper and easier to access. While processed food is convenient, the process of processing food removes the nutrients we actually need. We create food for consumption, not nourishment. As humans, our bodies have evolved to equate consumption with nourishment, but processed food has changed that. The problem is that our bodies have not evolved to adjust to that reality.

Our bodies have evolved internal signals to go after nutrition when it needs it: proteins, fats, carbohydrates, vitamins and minerals, as well as hydration. Cravings are the signalling mechanism that moves us in the right direction. In a natural environment, and we can rely on our system to guide us to the right food, and at the right time.

In a non-natural environment and with processed food, the signals we receive from our bodies are no longer reliable. Processed food (and environmental endocrine disruptors) introduce noise in the data our body uses to signal what we need. Processed food gives us a feeling of satisfaction by triggering the same pathways that satisfy our cravings, but do not fulfill the needs the cravings were intended for in the first place.

Our brains perceive processed food as an appropriate response to our cravings, but our bodies do not.

Until we give the body proper nutrition, cravings amplify, and we progressively become over-fed and under-nourished: constantly needing and wanting more, and without ever getting the true fulfillment that our biology needs.

AI companions have similar implications: they mimic fulfillment without actually fulfilling us.

They provide us with a feeling of connection, without actually connecting. They satisfy our impulse to externalise feelings, exchange thoughts, and share experiences, but without actually engaging with other humans. Each impulse has unique functions: our impulse to externalise feelings creates intimacy (for reproduction), our impulse to exchange thoughts develops our intelligence (for progress), our impulse to share experiences keeps us active (for health). AI companions satisfy these impulses, but without providing us with the functional outcomes our bodies have evolved to expect. We receive artificial feelings, like a drug that relieves the pain or masks the problem instead of resolving it.

The consequence is that over time, our unfulfilled biology continues to send signal that we need more connection. We continue to mistakenly attribute the solution to more social media, more AI gadgets, more virtual friends, etc. - until our time progressively becomes consumed by them. Our drive keeps getting stronger, and we develop addictions. Our brains and bodies keep wanting more not because we need more (of content, tools, social media, AI companions, etc), but because we are not getting enough.

What is also alarming about about AI companions is the disingenuous promise they promote, similar to misleading food labels. AI companions claim to be a prescription to loneliness, but do not resolve loneliness. Loneliness is a state of disconnection, and AI companions reinforce that state by making it more comfortable to stay in it. Not to mention - they also blunt the signal that motivates us to get out of it.

Reducing the friction to feeling connection with technology is not helping us. It is not the feeling of human connection we need, but human connection itself.

Human relationships will continue to be messy and complex, but it is not by giving us a tool to bypass the relationship development process that we will learn to develop relationships. It is also not by making it more comfortable to remain in isolation that we will attract more connection.

It is not by providing solutions to avoid practicing that we will get better at it.

Social skills and awareness is a thing that we constantly need to develop. Not having an AI companion to instantly gratify our need for connection is a forcing function to get outside and confront other human beings. Embracing the challenge makes us better, like a hormetic stressor.

The only way out is through.